So far high school has been interesting. It’s official, despite my earlier predictions, there has been quite a bit more bad than good. I finally got over that grudge, which is good. I am staying in Concert Choir… which is good. I think that the only real reason that this year seems so terrible, is because I feel so alone.
Our family is always away, we are all so busy, that nobody can really keep up, and the chances just to lay back are so difficult to find that they are now recognized in our family as an endangered species. Good by computer, tv, reading, writing, and HELLO EVERYTHING SCHOOL RELATED! Required reading, writing, homework etc.
Then there is friends…. I love my friends, they are the greatest people in the world. However, I think there is something wrong with me; I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to shake it. My friends and I aren’t connected, it seems like its that time of year for me and I am so sick of being ignored I feel like I am going to burst. I have been holding so close to my standards that they seem to be getting in the way of bigger things. I don’t know if my grip is the wrong, but I know that it has been painful just to think about the future, because I am both afraid and intimidated.
It has been incredible to see the changes that have been made over the summer. There has been an unspoken with drawl… or conclusion, silently whispered amongst us that has pushed us apart. Drama has been destroying our little circle and I am afraid I cause it. I make new friends only to find that I am quickly despised by them, for multiple reasons.
Ok, despised just seems to strong a word… ignored. I talk too much, have too much of an opinion. I love being able to talk to people about what I think, and love to hear others opinions. So either they don’t care or they don’t have an opinion.
My good friend, with a code name of Minnie, said something to me: “If you want your life to be good, you have to make it good, it doesn’t just happen. Will your life to where you want it, pray, and it’ll come out alright.”
My other good friend, code name Tweet, said something that also made me think (we have a group of world renowned philosophers in our group of friends): “Look, I’m no expert, but I think that nothing you are going to do is change the past, so make the decision that is going to make you happy right now, and that will satisfy you the longest. We want you here, now, with us, because we love you.”
As you can see I have some of the most fantastic friends on the face of this whole earth and beyond. Jesus loves them and so do I.
I have finally come to the conclusion that I don’t necessarily need to be heard to be loved, I just need to love and do my best to help others to know I love them. Be a silent leader, one who can make it favorable for everyone, even if that means a little bit of a scare for me.
My silence is the key to my happiness, not my opinion. In order for me to be heard, I must be silent. Every word I utter must come through uncommon lips. Never silent, always thinking, helping, expressing, with acceptance.
I have it figured out once again. We live, love, and learn, by service; by silence; by being incredible through silent lips. Listen for me world.
I am here.
Whoamiwriter's Blog 
I’m glad that you’re staying in Concert Choir. Forgive me, but I overheard enough of your conversation between Kelly D and yourself the other day to know exactly what you’re going through. I was you sophomore year. I even emailed Kelly D about the exact same thing in Take Ten that year. He talked to me in the same manner as he did to you. He was straightforward and honest about it, but he was also very considerate and never ignored my feelings despite not really altering those ways. Other people went straight to the principal about it and got him into trouble, and I felt bad about that afterwards hoping he didn’t think I did that. Still, the issue never really disappeared. However, I somehow learned to live around it. I learned to live in the world but not of the world, and I still managed to take away an astonishing amount of both academic and spiritual knowledge due to that man, and much of my maturity growth (especially senior year) can be attributed to him. I also came away with a great respect for him despite our differences on the matter. Anyway, my point is that I went through the same exact thing, stayed in choir, held onto my standards, and came away a better (I think so, anyway) person because of it. I honestly think that being in choir helps one to stick to his standards at school more than being in or out of any other group.
Now let me offer my words of philosophy on the matter of silence, solitude, and sticking to what one knows is right: I think leaders are more often followed than heard. Silence is a beautiful thing; I think that people who are more silent than they do share whatever is on their minds are able to mull things over more, analyze them, perfect them, and one day share unconquerable words. Never underestimate the power of speech and writing, though; sometimes still it’s a good thing to express (look at me now; I certainly hope writing’s the right thing because I’m doing an awful lot of it). A person has two ears and one mouth, so he ought to listen twice as much as he talks (I wish I was the original thinker of that phrase, but alas– I am not). Leaders must more often than not sacrifice the comfort of company to valiantly trudge ahead alone. Solitude is also a beautiful thing; it brings to a person maturity, strength of character, and the ability to really know himself and begin to understand the mysteries of the universe. Lastly, let me applaud you for being the sole one to stand up for what you know is right and true. Don’t give in to the temptation to stand down simply because you don’t see anyone else standing up with you. Don’t get too overzealous about it (I think I lost a few comrades due to my overzealousness to be unhappy with and correct those who I could see were doing or saying things they oughtn’t to); remember that our Lord and Savior was an example in words of sharpness, in words of love and acceptance, and in silent standing and bearing. Often being virtuous, honorable, noble, and true is done in silence and solitude. Though people don’t change and though results usually aren’t immediate, people notice your resolutions to never fall away from your affirmations, and you will one day find you’ve gained a lot of respect and admiration from others– even those who would stand corrected in your presence.
Keep on keepin’ on, and I’ll see you happily around.
Ah. Now my life’s philosophic ventures are complete. I have passed on my treasures of wisdom. I shall go into the west and dry up, and you shall find my smiling husk behind a glass in the Smithsonian with a plastic nameplate: JORDAN SPENCER CUNNINGHAM– A member of the homo sapien genus. Eats rocks, plants, and some mammals. Has a tendency for giving advice but not following it. Communicates very little by voice and too much by type. Generally found in the northwestern hemisphere in both damp and dry, dark and light locations.
Wow. That’s a lot longer than I anticipated. I’m such a freak.
T,
There are so many things I admire about you. I think it took a lot of courage to go talk to D. about your concerns. He may not see things the way you do, but he will respect you for talking to him face-to-face. I think you are a very, very good young man (I know, I’m the mom–I have to say those kinds of things. The difference is that I really mean them).
If you can learn to be silent at the appropriate time, you will far surpass your mother, who has gotten herself into all kinds of trouble because her mouth works faster than her brain. Wisdom, my son.
All of that, AND you’re a terrific writer!