One Intuitive 9th Grader

So I was looking through the stuff on my old USB drive and found, to my great astonishment and joy, a small collection of quotes that I would stay up and write at the begining of eighth and ninth grade. They are pretty cool, and pretty smart for a ninth grader, so I figured I would share.

There may be some who will not guide, and insist on following. These are the people who fear what they believe, but there are also those whose lust for the responsibility to guide only allows them to attempt proper leadership. These are those who seek to wreak the benefits and are selfish in their own actions.  There are people who guide, who follow, and who are faithful to the general cause that makes the action necessary. These are the people who thrive in all societies. These people grow and become capable of many great things. They lead and show the greatest ability in spreading all knowledge throughout the world. These are the chosen people of our great day.

-Taylor Hill

True leadership is the ability to show a path for others, but it is also ability in which we must show humility in all circumstances. Without humility we, as leaders, are nothing. There is always someone who needs guidance, but there is also always someone worth following.  There is always something that we must learn from the humble.

-Taylor Hill

How often do we find ourselves in situation in which we seem to be the only one? Why do we always feel so alone when there is so much potential in each human life? When life gets tough I recognize that I am not alone, that I have the same potential and ability to drive to the top of humanity. If I only grasp onto all good in my situation and learn from every circumstance in which I find myself. Then, someday, I will find myself at the top.

-Taylor Hill

Why do people choose exile over the light which is offered to them? Is it because pleasure is too big of a temptation? Is it because the light seems to be too difficult a path? Or is it both? Too often we are challenged on our beliefs, and too often we are only too keen to rid ourselves of them (our beliefs) because of our own persecution. We see ourselves in a mortal state of being instead of looking at ourselves with and eternal perspective. *Our world demands strong hearts. Humanities greatest moments have occurred when men step aside from common knowledge and choose to do, or rather to be, somebody or something extraordinary. Now is the time that we must strengthen our hearts and become the people who will choose the best path not only for themselves, but for the rest of the world. We were chosen to live at this time with good reason. Now is the time to live up to our own greatest expectations, to be among the extraordinary, and to choose light over exile.

-Taylor Hill

Oh My Land

Ok its been too long. I mean way too long.

So here’s what’s going on. I was at lacrosse practice and while playing defense with a shorty (no seriously it was only a foot long and didn’t even have a head) I was nailed in the neck by a hard rubber lacrosse ball that was traveling at about 80 miles per hour. Ouch. So I got off of the field, removed my helmet, loosened my chest pads and took sometime to learn to breathe again. So in other words I sat out for 2 minutes and then went back in and started playing again.

Well I got home and started typing up a paper– due the next day– and I started noticing that the light was hurting my eyes. Next thing I know I am having a hard time focusing on anything. My left side perefral vision is completely wack. Next my head starts hurting like nothing else in the world. WHat to do but tell mom, “Umm… I think I have a concussion.” and expect a response like, “Well, you smell pretty bad so go take a shower and then we’ll head down to the inst care.” woah… love you to mom. 🙂

I was just getting out of the shower when my eyesight went back to normal and my head stopped hurting, benefits of a clean body right? Wrong. We went to the IC only for the nurse to say, “That doesn’t sound very safe to me, I would head to the ER.” Umm… ok. Guess what my head still hurts at this point.

We get in the car and head over 15 minutes away to the ER to find it is really, really busy.  Guess what my head still hurts at this point. What to do but wait? There is the guy in front of me that looks so sick he could explode. There is the obese lady that thinks she has the swine flu, but can barely walk over to tell them that. There is the Soccer Team who is there to wish that their player wasn’t. There are the two guys with the roses. And here I am… stuck sitting in that nicely padded chair, probably getting the swine flu, or being splattered on by the dude that’s going to spontaneously combust. Gross. And guess what! Those three ibuprofen still haven’t kicked in so my head still hurts.

Well I finally get into the nurse’s office and she is really friendly. She knows about lacrosse and is pretty excited to see my sweet bruise. She tells me that there are more lacrosse injuries in the Hospital than football or hockey, which seems to say a lot. So I’m given my wristband and I’m stuck sitting across from spontaneous combustion guy again. Hasn’t he exploded yet? It’s only a matter of minutes.

Time ticks by and my head no longer hurts (thank you ibuprofen) but this guy seriously looks like he might explode and give me AIDs. Next thing you know he is standing up and greeting someone who is coming out of the nurse’s office. All of that build up for an Anti-Climax. What a healthy world we live in.

Next I’m taken to my room. Room 68, I only remember because from my previous high-risk seat it was about a mile to the other end of the ER. Yeah, walking to my room was like… running a marathon. About 30 minutes later a nurse walks in as pleasant as can be and just begins asking me questions. Then she leaves. 10 minutes after that another nurse comes in, takes 4 blood samples, and leaves. Then another with stories (I guess they don’t get the opportunity to be with such an incredibly good looking hilarious guys like me very often) and paperwork. I appreciated that. Then I’m stuffed into this MRI tube where I get an MRI and an MRA which lasted I guess an hour, I guess because I wasn’t awake for the whole thing.

Another hour of waiting in my room and the doctor comes in and is telling me that they think that the interior wall of my coradid artery is broken, and causing turbulence. That was what caused a clot which is what gave me the migraine and eyesight problem. But they needed to be sure how bad it was. So I’m taken to get a CAT scan and it was cold in that room. Like 50 fetching degrees… cold. So they put dye (iodine) in me which burns and makes me numb, but other than that it was  a good experience. I’m freezing and this nice nurse says, “Let me get you a blanket.” So he pulls one out of the oven for me and it was warm and I almost died of happiness right there on the spot. Alas, I was there to stay alive.

So the doctor comes into my room and tells me they were right, but still want to make sure I don’t need extra meds. So I get an ultrasound, which is freezing cold–why is it always cold in these stupid hospitals?– and they say it’s very minor. So they say take Aspirin and go home.

So my nurse tells me,  “Should’ve played basketball.” and I was like, “Basketball? You pansy.” and she says we’ll continue this conversation later. It’s already like 3 in the morning, and at that point I didn’t know if there was going to be a later. So she comes back around 3:30 and says, “Ok you’re free to go, oh and, basketball isn’t a pansy sport.” Then she walked out without giving me a chance to present my argument. Uncool.

Anyways, I made it home by 4 in the AM and slept that day until one. No more lacrosse for fall season, unless the doc on monday says otherwise. Who knows?

Moral of the story, try to avoid the ER. 🙂

“Light Up The Sky”

“Let me light up the sky, light it up for you, let me tell you why I would die for you.”

This one is for my best of friends.
I think I live a life that is fairly average, the only real abnormalities that I notice are the standards I live by and the strange friends that I love so stinking much… who are all different and unique in their way.

They all have talented voices, they are all smart, and they all have a passion for some sport or another. But in every way they are the best people I know. They are who I am and they teach me so much.

Let me tell you why I would die for you.
I would because you have all saved mine at some point or another. You help me up when I am down, you teach me so much it is incredible to me that you haven’t been translated, and you manage to love everyone around you. You are all a step above the average. So I love you, ladies and gentlemen, I love you. More than you may ever know, mostly because you don’t read this blog (grr…). Thank you

You’ve lit up my sky, let me light it up for you, let me teach you why I will always care for you….

To Be Heard

So far high school has been interesting. It’s official, despite my earlier predictions, there has been quite a bit more bad than good. I finally got over that grudge, which is good. I am staying in Concert Choir… which is good. I think that the only real reason that this year seems so terrible, is because I feel so alone.

Our family is always away, we are all so busy, that nobody can really keep up, and the chances just to lay back are so difficult to find that they are now recognized in our family as an endangered species. Good by computer, tv, reading, writing, and HELLO EVERYTHING SCHOOL RELATED! Required reading, writing, homework etc.

Then there is friends…. I love my friends, they are the greatest people in the world. However, I think there is something wrong with me; I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to shake it. My friends and I aren’t connected, it seems like its that time of year for me and I am so sick of being ignored I feel like I am going to burst. I have been holding so close to my standards that they seem to be getting in the way of bigger things. I don’t know if my grip is the wrong, but I know that it has been painful just to think about the future, because I am both afraid and intimidated.

It has been incredible to see the changes that have been made over the summer. There has been an unspoken with drawl… or conclusion, silently whispered amongst us that has pushed us apart. Drama has been destroying our little circle and I am afraid I cause it. I make new friends only to find that I am quickly despised by them, for multiple reasons.

Ok, despised just seems to strong a word… ignored. I talk too much, have too much of an opinion. I love being able to talk to people about what I think, and love to hear others opinions. So either they don’t care or they don’t have an opinion.

My good friend, with a code name of Minnie, said something to me: “If you want your life to be good, you have to make it good, it doesn’t just happen. Will your life to where you want it, pray, and it’ll come out alright.”
My other good friend, code name Tweet, said something that also made me think (we have a group of world renowned philosophers in our group of friends): “Look, I’m no expert, but I think that nothing you are going to do is change the past, so make the decision that is going to make you happy right now, and that will satisfy you the longest. We want you here, now, with us, because we love you.”
As you can see I have some of the most fantastic friends on the face of this whole earth and beyond. Jesus loves them and so do I.
I have finally come to the conclusion that I don’t necessarily need to be heard to be loved, I just need to love and do my best to help others to know I love them. Be a silent leader, one who can make it favorable for everyone, even if that means a little bit of a scare for me.
My silence is the key to my happiness, not my opinion. In order for me to be heard, I must be silent. Every word I utter must come through uncommon lips. Never silent, always thinking, helping, expressing, with acceptance.
I have it figured out once again. We live, love, and learn, by service; by silence; by being incredible through silent lips. Listen for me world.
I am here.

Aww Man…

First off, I have decided to change my writing style, I’m one for giving advice, but I think that this is really the wrong way to do it. Besides it’ll be easier to write about things going on than writing about philosophical things that just make me bend and twist, maybe someday, but not now.

Soo, here we go I guess…School is starting… ahh wonderful, beautiful, terrible, ugly, this sucks, holy crap… darn. I like school… you get to go and learn and read and write and… see girls… that’s good… flirt, go on dates, hang with friends, go to football, go to lacrosse, volleyball starts soon… 🙂 That’s a good thing.

As you can see I have very mixed feelings about school. There are many things that I am looking forward to, but also many things that I am most definitely NOT looking forward to. So I think I will only talk about the positive and direct this note to those who dread school.

Ok, school. I wake up in the morning at six A.M. and think about all the things that are going on today. Why does it have to be so long? My next thought revolves around how bad this whole school thing sucks. School seems to be a dominating destructive force in this lonely world. I write papers at night, read, do homework, and try my best to get to bed in time so that I have enough sleep for the next day…. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I sit in my bed and dread the very thought of the things that could be going on today; lacrosse practice, not bad, fun in fact, but in the way a little; chior concert… fun… I guess; homework… no guarantees there but more likely than not; lets see… school…. ok so first period is history, she is the greatest teacher ever, second is language arts not as fun but I don’t mind it, concert choir next… ok the teacher kinda bites but I like to sing, and then Agricultural Bio… umm… fun? What a crappy way to end the day. That stinks.

What can be worse… its a crappy day. Other than first through third, lacrosse, and chior… wait… that is my whole day.

I think I am letting the bad things spoil the good. I have 3 classes that are not only bearable, but some of which I love. I get to play my favorite sport and get to sing with all of my friends. I guess this isn’t so bad… not bad at all actually.

What else? The halls… what goes on in the halls? Well I get to talk to my friends, flirt with a whole ton of girls, eat food at lunch, and at the end of the day I can stay after and just hang out. You know this school thing just gets better as the day goes on.

I think that as students we let the negative get to us before we allow the positive to influence us. We are ignorant teenagers. Man, we’re dumb. Why didn’t I think of it before? So it turns out that maybe we are just so influenced by the general bleak outlook, most commonly seen in the teenager who speaks out the best. You know, school isn’t that bad, it is actually fun as long as you try your best to make it fun. Heck, this year is going to rock!

 

For all who are wondering my schedule is as follows:
1A. US History H, Simmons
2A. Language Arts H, Robertson
3A. Concert Choir, DeHaan
4A. Biology-Agricultural Science, McNair
1B. Creative Writing, Robb
2B. Seminary
3B. Yearbook, Lavin
4B. Computer Tech, Clawson

Suggestions!

Hey readers! I am a pretty open topic kind of guy! I love to discuss anything and would appreciate your suggestions of things I should talk about! If you have any suggestions then please let me know! Comment or email me at wjlaxhill@yahoo.com that would help me be more consistant and would make it more interesting to you, as a reader. It can be a deep topic, or you can just ask for information (essay, short stories, poems, memoirs, etc.) Anything at all!

Not one month before I die…

Our lives are defined by a variety of things (some of which I have discussed on my previous blogs) one of them is events. There are some that you look forward to and others (like family reunions) that are just not so great. In about one month school starts again, which I am not really looking forward to. I was discussing this with a friend and he said, instead of focusing on school starting in a month, I should focus on all that I could do in that month. I have come up with a story— albeit extreme— that reflects a similar principal.

I could only sit and stare as I tried to concentrate on what He was saying to me. Thousands of thoughts were flying through my mind as I attempted to comprehend what the doctor was saying. The cancer was terminal? One month to live? No realistic options? The thoughts were burning paths through my mind, they were similar to the sickness that was already plaging my brain, or what was left of it.  All I can hope for is no pain? Perscriptions? My mind was in overload. How could  this happen to me? This thought was the most prominent of all others.

All of a sudden I could feel myself deteriorating. There is no longer hope, no chance, I have no future. More pain, more questions.

“Can I just have a minute to think?” I requested, interupting the doctor in midsentence.

“Sure kid, whatever you need.” He spoke quietly, standing as he said it. He walked out of the room and my mom, who was sitting beside me, began to stroke my hair. She was crying, each tear streaming down her face and spreading her make-up further down her cheeks. We just sat there. I shut my brain off, sick of myself, sick of this pain, this fear, this sick demonic suffering. Where is life? Where is opporotunity? What did I live for? Will I matter to anyone? And the last question before I shut off my mind: Will anyone even care?

This thought brought on more fear, and I began to feel senile, sick, and helpless. A child, an adult, an elder. The emotions took over, my muscles tensed and I was dying to hit something. Though the irony of the thought stopped me. I want to cry, I want to scream, and on top of everything, I want to live. Then all of a sudden, from somewhere deep in my mind, came the thought: Then live!

I leaped to my feet, unsure of what to do or how to feel, the confidence that I felt was almost unnerving. I had decided.

“Mom, I have one month, in the one month I have, I need to make up for the life I am going to miss.” I said it with a sense of purpose, which comforted me and seemed to arouse my mom.

“Ok,” she began, “first you graduate then the rest is yours to decide.” Graduation was only a few days away, and I was speaking. Valedictorian. My whole life ahead of me, and only one month to live it.

Graduation came and went and after the celebration I went up to my best girl friend and told her the news. She took it no better than me or my mom. She pulled in our group of friends and we all began talking about what to do. The girls were emotional, the guys were scared, but at least my best friend had the sense that we seemed to lack.

“What are we doing first?” He said.

“What?” I asked, scared, confused, and shocked.

“You don’t think you are living alone now do you?” He smiled, and they all looked at me and nodded. We stood there in silence, the peace was incredible. So this is what is worth living for.

The next day we were off, with a boatload of money that our parents donated to us. We flew to Florida and began our adventures.

Skydiving was incredible, swimming with sharks was exhillerating, midnight at the beach was comforting, and being with the people I loved was the best. Three weeks of comfort and life. Three weeks of being with my best friends. Three weeks of life. Three perfect weeks.

The most devastating thing we can ever forget is what we are living for. We must live life as it comes, but prepare for the future. You only have one chance. One shot at your own perfect three weeks that make last a month or a hundred years. What you choose to do is your choice, but the decisions you make should always take you where you want to be. God loves us, he wants us to be happy, not only to test us, not only to introduce us to pain and sorrow, but to learn what true happiness is. For me it is with my family at Christmas, opening presents and sharing them with my cousins. To me true happiness is having the laugh of a lifetime with my best of friends. To me, true happiness is found in the presence of the holy spirit. True happiness is being who I want to be, because it feels right. True happiness is perfection.

We need to live life, not just watch as it goes by. That doesn’t mean burn all your money on wishful experiences, it means always making the most out of everything you do. Live life with no regrets, live it to the fullest. God loves us and wants the best for us, so give Him the best. Give your family the best. Give it all your best.

Your Friend,

Superman (to the T)

Humanity

I just thought I should shed a little light onto how small we really are.

Lets start with the little stupid things we do. To quote Jordan Spencer (who I love, oh so appropriately) “Take ties, for example. Why do humans wear them? Look at the car. Useful, but we look awfully stupid sitting on a glorified plank with wheels and overstuffed seats, staring straight ahead, sometimes gorging ourselves with delicious, fat-inducing edibles as the plank speeds along at thirty miles per hour.”

Ok, so now on toward the real topic. How about science? How about religion? Who thought of these things? Would the world be better without them? These two constantly conflicting forces (or perhaps two coinciding forces)(hmm…) cause more conflict in world history than anything before. More wars are fought over a particular belief than anything else.

So which is better: Science or Religion?

Well lets start with the most controversial of issues: Big Bang or God? The Big-Bang Theory basically states that the universe began when the basic elements collided and made a huge explosion, causing the universe to expand eternally. The matter left created stars which exploded and those rocks pulled in by gravity made planets around other stars. From there a lucky combination of cooled molten rock, liquid water, and algae created a living planet. The algae evolved eventually into humans, who have been evolving for the past several hundred billion years.

Religion (Christianity) God created the world in 7 days (7 being an obsolete number, could be several thousand years to us, but only 7 to him) he added man and woman on the sixth and they lived in the garden of Eden. Later they are out and eventually get to the present time. The ultimate goal is to get back to God through living as perfectly as possible. We aren’t perfect so the only perfect man ever to live sacrificed himself for us.

What do people want out of life? We want to be remembered. We want to leave our mark, we want to become the kind of example that people love. Living for this purpose has led men to do great things. If the Big-Bang theory is the answer, then we are all an accident. There is no purpose to life, is it worth living if we have no future? It’s a great reason to fear death.  We won’t be remembered, there is no point to life, there are no friends, there is no family, there is no point in even being able to feel, much less live. Where as, God will remember us, our friends will never forget us, we get to be with our family forever. We get to live forever.

Like I said, what is life without God? In my opinion Religion is better. It is better to believe in being remembered and living, than never having a life. There is no point to life if you are forgotten.

Less Than a Man

I very recently had a friend talk to me about what makes a man a man. She turned the basis on his physique. Is he tall? Is he smart? Etc. Where as I(being a man) was leaning more on the deeds he performs to decide wether he was a man, or… less than a man.

On any part, people can judge whether a man is a man or not. Hitler was no man physically (he was short) and he was also no man mentally, he was just too big of a *bad word* to be a real man(the bad word was bum crack). Where as Superman (flashback) is a real man in both stature and deeds. But can a person be small and still be a man? Can a man be a jerk and still be a man?

I have a friend who is quite a smart dude, he is my young mens leader in my area. This man is a rarity of men, in that he is one of the most charitable kind guys that I know: winter in the utah is cold and often times miserable. It is miserable to go out and shovel your driveway. The snow falls one day and it is peaceful beyond belief, but the very next day it is cold, miserable, and painful. The snow is soon blackened. Like I said cold and miserable. What my leader has done is amazing, he called all of us one morning(keep in mind a bunch of young men) and he told us to get our shovels, we are doing some service boys. We spent two or three hours going around and shoveling. Many people later expressed their appreciation, and we, as young men, found a respect for the man that is guiding us to be real men. He is the example that everyone deserves. Some one to talk to, some one to depend on, and ultimately, someone who loves you. Men are not men because of their stature, nor their accomplishments, they are men because of how they act around others. They are men because of their deeds. They are men because they love everyone who could possibly teach them.

To answer a question…

 Who said that there is no such thing as a stupid question?

So how can this world be made better? Pay attention to everyone! I recently had an experience that almost cost me my family jewels because I lacked the “common knowledge” that apparently, God gave to everyone, but me. My life is certainly constantly being turned upside down by dumb questions I ask or am being asked. For example: “You have a baby?!” yeah that one blew through the roof. I quote Brian Regan “‘So, when is the baby due?’ ‘What baby?’ ‘The penguins… uh… at the Zoo….'” So I ask you to delve into that stupid moment of yours (because we all have them) when you asked that stupid question that completely ruined the moment… think hard and deep… keep thinking… you got it. Now let me tell you why you should feel good  about yourself.

Civilizations live and thrive off of stupid questions. From the time of Adam and throughout history there have been questions that have brought to pass many great things. For example (I’m pretty good at this example stuff): Who was the first to ask “Do you think if I rub these two sticks together, it will warm me up?” Guh, Ugh, and Hug looked at Hmm with stupid expressions and said “Hrragghh!!” Which in English means “Yeah, and when I fart on the two sticks that are hot we will create even more fire and my butt be burned in and out! Come on your an idiot! Think about more important things… like mammoths… and living longer….” Of course Hmm didn’t give up, he rubbed, and rubbed, and rubbed, and one day… EUREKA!! Fire!! Of course we also know how men’s camping activities came to be, which is a little off topic, but where would we be without fire? Fire is energy! It is how we live.

As I have clearly shown, we could not thrive without the stupid questions (because they are all stupid no matter the outcome). We would not have music, movies, warmth, science (don’t even get me started on that one it was all stupid questions), modern medicine… etc. I mean everything, how is it we could even be alive? Who was the first to think of that one?

So here is my real bug, why do we pound on those asking the questions? I understand that some of them are entirely brain dead, but that gives you no right to make it worse for them, why can’t you just gently reply “That has been explained my modern (science, medicine, religion, etc) honey.”  Of course its all about the tone of voice we use, because live without a little humor is just drab.

So to anyone who has ever asked that stupid question, you are the foundation on which our society is built. We are the empowered, we are the unsung heroes, and we should never just give up! Don’t worry, love yourself, be yourself, and hey, have a little bit of fun.