Not one month before I die…

Our lives are defined by a variety of things (some of which I have discussed on my previous blogs) one of them is events. There are some that you look forward to and others (like family reunions) that are just not so great. In about one month school starts again, which I am not really looking forward to. I was discussing this with a friend and he said, instead of focusing on school starting in a month, I should focus on all that I could do in that month. I have come up with a story— albeit extreme— that reflects a similar principal.

I could only sit and stare as I tried to concentrate on what He was saying to me. Thousands of thoughts were flying through my mind as I attempted to comprehend what the doctor was saying. The cancer was terminal? One month to live? No realistic options? The thoughts were burning paths through my mind, they were similar to the sickness that was already plaging my brain, or what was left of it.  All I can hope for is no pain? Perscriptions? My mind was in overload. How could  this happen to me? This thought was the most prominent of all others.

All of a sudden I could feel myself deteriorating. There is no longer hope, no chance, I have no future. More pain, more questions.

“Can I just have a minute to think?” I requested, interupting the doctor in midsentence.

“Sure kid, whatever you need.” He spoke quietly, standing as he said it. He walked out of the room and my mom, who was sitting beside me, began to stroke my hair. She was crying, each tear streaming down her face and spreading her make-up further down her cheeks. We just sat there. I shut my brain off, sick of myself, sick of this pain, this fear, this sick demonic suffering. Where is life? Where is opporotunity? What did I live for? Will I matter to anyone? And the last question before I shut off my mind: Will anyone even care?

This thought brought on more fear, and I began to feel senile, sick, and helpless. A child, an adult, an elder. The emotions took over, my muscles tensed and I was dying to hit something. Though the irony of the thought stopped me. I want to cry, I want to scream, and on top of everything, I want to live. Then all of a sudden, from somewhere deep in my mind, came the thought: Then live!

I leaped to my feet, unsure of what to do or how to feel, the confidence that I felt was almost unnerving. I had decided.

“Mom, I have one month, in the one month I have, I need to make up for the life I am going to miss.” I said it with a sense of purpose, which comforted me and seemed to arouse my mom.

“Ok,” she began, “first you graduate then the rest is yours to decide.” Graduation was only a few days away, and I was speaking. Valedictorian. My whole life ahead of me, and only one month to live it.

Graduation came and went and after the celebration I went up to my best girl friend and told her the news. She took it no better than me or my mom. She pulled in our group of friends and we all began talking about what to do. The girls were emotional, the guys were scared, but at least my best friend had the sense that we seemed to lack.

“What are we doing first?” He said.

“What?” I asked, scared, confused, and shocked.

“You don’t think you are living alone now do you?” He smiled, and they all looked at me and nodded. We stood there in silence, the peace was incredible. So this is what is worth living for.

The next day we were off, with a boatload of money that our parents donated to us. We flew to Florida and began our adventures.

Skydiving was incredible, swimming with sharks was exhillerating, midnight at the beach was comforting, and being with the people I loved was the best. Three weeks of comfort and life. Three weeks of being with my best friends. Three weeks of life. Three perfect weeks.

The most devastating thing we can ever forget is what we are living for. We must live life as it comes, but prepare for the future. You only have one chance. One shot at your own perfect three weeks that make last a month or a hundred years. What you choose to do is your choice, but the decisions you make should always take you where you want to be. God loves us, he wants us to be happy, not only to test us, not only to introduce us to pain and sorrow, but to learn what true happiness is. For me it is with my family at Christmas, opening presents and sharing them with my cousins. To me true happiness is having the laugh of a lifetime with my best of friends. To me, true happiness is found in the presence of the holy spirit. True happiness is being who I want to be, because it feels right. True happiness is perfection.

We need to live life, not just watch as it goes by. That doesn’t mean burn all your money on wishful experiences, it means always making the most out of everything you do. Live life with no regrets, live it to the fullest. God loves us and wants the best for us, so give Him the best. Give your family the best. Give it all your best.

Your Friend,

Superman (to the T)

The Unsung Hero

High school has presented many experiences, many pleasant, but just as many have been of the sorts that you just have to endure. I have been through things such as talking friends out of suicides, and many other circumstances that were just so much less dramatic. This Post is dedicated to all the unsung heroes who are in our lives. Thank you.

As a teenager I am exposed to many things I’d rather just not discuss, but it’s necessary. In school you are exposed to partial (if not full) nudity, parents may sometimes think its not that bad in this world, but there are disgusting things in this sick world, there are drugs, there is erotic exposure, profane language, more violence than a war movie, and there are many, many more horrors that lurk in the halls: The teachers, I say this to give you an idea of why there are so many difficulties to being a teenager.

For girls it is especially difficult. We, as men(or teenage boys), are just flat out dumb. We can break hearts just as easily as we could break a pencil. It makes it incredibly difficult for the good guys who never want to hurt anyone. It is difficult on both sides, but the ones who take it the hardest are the ones in the middle. The high school best friend that you can always lean on.

This person usually is smart, kind, helpful, and maybe not quite so involved in the drama. He (usually the great guy friend) is subjected to both the highest and lowest degrees of honor. He is put through tasks that maybe are just too hard for the fragile person to handle.

This system has been around for as long as high school drama has existed. here is the basic layout: Guy is best friend with girl; girl is dating a total stone headed jock(maybe one of another click, but for sake of argument and stereotypes lets just say it’s the jock); jock breaks girl’s heart; girl comes crying to Guy best friend; Guy best friend carries his worries for her and her worries for herself, making it difficult for him to carry on with life because of stress around him; Guy desires to fix things for her; Guy helps her to fix up life; Guy may or may not become attracted to best friend girl in process; Guy wants girl to be happy; Guy watches as she makes the decision to be with some other not-so-freaking-awesome-as-Guy-in-fact-he-is-another-stone headed-jock(for the sake of argument and stereotypes); Guy the great (lets call him Superman, its a title that he deserves) gets his heart broken; Eventually girl moves on and never notices Superman, who has been there all along. Like I said, the Best Friend takes it hardest, but it can and has gotten worse, Superman happens to be best friends with both Stone headed Jock(for sake of argument and stereotypes) and Girl-whose-heart-is-to-be-broken.

Now for Superman the game has become even more difficult. He now has to play the good guy on both sides and fix things indirectly, and there is no way that he will ever get his girl because he wants both of them to be happy, and because he can’t live with himself if he betrays either of them. So he listens to both sides of the stories, swears secrecy to both of them, but little do they know that Superman now holds the keys to both of their hearts, and is capable of bringing them back together. Superman breaks his oath to secrecy and, doing what he knows is right(some secrets are better better not kept), tells one how the other feels. The problem fixes itself from there, and now Superman is happy, because his best friends are together, the secret foundation is soon to crash on him, but they will stay together, because they find that they do, in fact, still care for each other.

So this one is to the unsung hero, to the man in the middle, to the one who cares so deeply for happiness that he is willing to give up his own, to give it to his two best friends. It is how life has gone.

But, a glimmer of hope has found our dear friend Superman, he soon finds who he loves, and his life is better because he chose not to be with Best Friend Girl.

The moral of this story? Sacrifice is the best way to bring happiness for everyone. Superman may have endured pain, and been stabbed in the back with , but he is in fact the power behind the world. He is the man who will always be there because he does in fact love us. Superman is the unsung hero in your life. He is the father, he is the best friend, he is God, he is The Savior, and he will always be there.

So let us sing to our unsung Superman, let us look behind our own circumstances, and let us recognize our unsung hero.